Rediscovering What Truly Matters
A client came to me for symptoms of depression…
For him, life had become unbearable.
He felt lethargic and unmotivated.
“Every morning I struggle to pull myself out of bed,” he confessed with heaviness in his voice…
As we dug deeper, he explained that he had never truly felt satisfied with his job. He had taken a position in IT to support himself and his wife, but found the work monotonous and uninspiring.
Deep down, he felt that he had something profound to share with the world, but had lost sight of it somewhere along the way. He felt disconnected from what his heart once guided him towards.
As I patiently listened to his story, we soon arrived at the question: “at the end of the day, what truly matters to you?”
A spark of light immediately returned to his eyes…
“I love writing,” he said with certainty.
“Like riverbanks guiding the flow of water steadily back to the ocean, our values guide us in the direction of a purpose much great than ourselves.” —Max Komes
“Your core values are the deeply held beliefs that authentically describe your soul.”
—John C. Maxwell
The things that matter the most to us are our core values.
These are principles, beliefs, and qualities that hold fundamental importance us, and reflecting on them is essential to creating a life of fulfillment.
Our values are largely inherited from our families and cultures. As we grow up, this early inheritance of values helps us adapt to our social environment, feel a sense of safety and belonging, and provide a foundation for learning and growth. They operate quietly in the background of our lives, remaining largely unexamined and unexpressed.
However, some of these inherited values may not always contribute to a life of fulfillment. In some cases, they may even be detrimental to our well-being.
For instance, inherited values may emphasize material wealth, social status, or strict religious practices, often accompanied by expectations of perfection, competition, or success. While these values can drive achievement, they may also come at the expense of personal fulfillment, emotional well-being, and meaningful relationships.
That being said, there is something deeper within us…
"Contemplation is the highest form of self-knowledge."
—Aristotle
The beauty of the human experience lies in our ability to shape our own lives beyond cultural influence.
This path of self-creation involves intentional effort through contemplative practice, like spending time in solitude for reflection, contemplation, and meditation. These practices help us quiet the noise of external influences, connect with our innermost selves, and uncover the values that truly resonate with us…
We can begin by reflecting on our past experiences, asking ourselves:
What moments in my life have given me the most energy and inspiration?
What has given me a true sense of fulfillment?
Who are the people I’ve admired most, and what qualities in them resonate with me?
We can then bring contemplation into play, challenging ourselves to think critically about our current set of values:
Do I genuinely believe this, or is it simply a value I’ve inherited from others?
What would I do differently if I had no fear of judgment or failure?
If success and validation didn’t matter, what would I prioritize in my life?
Finally, meditative practice allows us to integrate the insights gained from reflection and contemplation while also helping us further decondition ourselves from societal influences. In meditation, we move beyond inquiry to enter a state of pure Being, reconnecting with ourselves through the simple observation of the body and mind. (Click here to learn how to meditate.)
Through the combination of these practices, we gradually uncover a unique set of values that genuinely reflect our authentic desires and sense of purpose. These values might include family, creativity, community, courage, communication, compassion, balance, peacefulness, joy, responsibility, resilience, etc…
While some of our core values may remain constant throughout life, others naturally evolve as our focus and priorities shift. So, in order to stay aligned with what truly matters to us, it’s essential to engage in contemplative practices on a regular and ongoing basis.
Then, as we uncover our core values, we begin to discover our unique mission in life…
“All of you have a heroic mission… We all show up here with a purpose.”
—Dr. Wayne Dyer
Like riverbanks guiding the flow of water steadily back to the ocean, our values guide us in the direction of a purpose much great than ourselves.
Paraphrasing Dr. Wayne Dyer, each of us has a song that yearns to be sung, and by uncovering our unique set of values, our higher life mission begins to come into focus…
Some people are gifted with natural athletic abilities and the passion to run marathons or climb Mount Fuji.
Others have an eye for detail and observational skill, allowing them to paint or draw beautiful portraits.
In the case of our client mentioned earlier, his unique talent for writing and storytelling guided him toward his calling as a screenwriter and author.
Ultimately, each of us has our own path to follow, and by living a life guided by our values, we tap into deep wells of joy and fulfillment…
"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values."
—Ayn Rand
As we take action in life guided by our unique set of values, they gradually seep into our very being. They become displayed in the way we hold ourselves, speak, and treat others. This is the state of integrity, where our outward actions are a direct reflection of our inner values.
Integrity brings with it a sense of wholeness, completeness, or fulfillment. We no longer seek validation or approval from the outside world, as we find satisfaction in simply being true to ourselves and living in alignment with our purpose.
As a result, confidence and joy naturally emerge.
We are then able to serve the world around us from a place of inner fulfillment, making a positive impact with every action we take.
May we rediscover our core values and create lives of meaning and fulfillment, for ourselves and all of humanity.
Max Kristopher Komes
www.MaxKomes.com
Max Komes is a master’s-level mental health professional in Pensacola, Florida. His philosophy is that each and every individual holds wellsprings of wisdom within them, and with the right tools, can access this wisdom to live purposeful, healthy, and resilient lives.
How You Can Support:
1-1 Session: if you find that these messages resonate with you, take the next step in rediscovering mental clarity by scheduling a session with Max.
Free Mental Health Resources: if you’re looking for more mental health tools like guided meditations and daily journals, visit our Free Resources Page.
Join the Mission: with support from people like you, we can further spread these messages, transforming the age of confusion to an Era of Clarity. Pledge your support here.
This writing is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. If you have imminent health concerns, please call 1-800-NAMI.
