Practicing Patience
There was once a deeply devoted priest who found himself constantly struggling with anger. Every morning, the priest would pray on his knees, “Lord, grant me patience.”
Yet, no matter how much he prayed, he found himself in fits of rage.
Life continually tested him…
difficult people…
long waits…
countless frustrations...
With each experience, the priest grew more irritated, thinking that his God had betrayed him. Still, he prayed every day, waiting for patience to be granted to him.
The years passed and the priest grew old. Eventually, he found himself standing before his God in heaven. With a weary heart, the priest asked, “My Lord, I prayed for patience for my entire life… why have You never granted it to me..?”
God looked at him with His divine warmth and replied,
“My child… I sent you all of these opportunities to practice patience, but you never chose to.”
“Trust in God, but tie your camel.”
—Arabian Proverb
Patience as we know it is usually associated with the act of surrender…
Accepting,
releasing control,
and allowing the path to unfold in time…
However, as the parable of the angry priest implies, patience isn’t something magically granted by an external deity. Perhaps even paradoxically, it requires ongoing effort and a strong sense of personal agency.
Patience is a skill to be built through planning, structuring, and steady effort, all gradually moving us toward our personal vision of a meaningful life…
"Patience is necessary, and one cannot reap immediately where one has sown."
—Søren Kierkegaard
In the world of psychotherapy, there’s a modality called Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy (IPSRT) that’s particularly helpful for people who experience intense emotional ups and downs. However, anyone looking to cultivate greater stability, resilience, and patience in their life can benefit from its strategies.
Through IPSRT (blended with elements of existential therapy and mindfulness), we can intentionally develop skills like patience by:
Embracing personal routines and habits. Consistent daily routines offer anchors in the midst of life's unpredictability, helping to regulate our mood and maintain energy levels. (Click here to read more about biorhythms and mental health)
Developing a personal vision. Clarifying what matters most to us provides a sense of direction and meaning. Our ideal personal vision acts as a map guiding our choices, helping us stay aligned when we feel lost, and reminding us of the destination we’re moving toward.
Creating time for reflection. By regularly pausing to reflect, we start to recognize patterns in our emotional reactions. With this awareness, we can begin to translate insight into action by choosing our responses with intention instead of reacting on impulse.
Practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness invites us to observe our thoughts and emotions with curiosity, allowing them to come and go without clinging or resistance. Over time, this gentle awareness helps us respond with greater intention and patience.
Embracing discomfort in controlled ways. By intentionally exposing ourselves to manageable challenges such as difficult conversations, new experiences, or delayed gratification, we strengthen our capacity to remain patient under pressure.
Nurturing meaningful interpersonal connections. Supportive relationships bring stability, help us manage emotions, and offer feedback that encourages growth. By keeping regular social connections, we strengthen our emotional well-being and, therefore, our capacity for patience.
Ultimately, developing patience depends on taking personal responsibility for the small decisions we make each day…
"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."
—Jean-Jacques Rousseau
The practice of personal responsibility begins with creating a structure we can relax into. As we settle into that structure, it brings a sense of physical, mental, and emotional stability.
A subtle sense of safety begins to emerge…
We begin to find the time and space to slow down, notice our reactions and patterns, and release the subconscious tensions we’ve carried for so long. As this awareness continues to expand, we also become more open to the beauty and quiet intricacies of the world around us. In this state of grounded presence, a shift starts to take place within us…
We begin to orient toward deeper values like curiosity, purpose, compassion, and joy.
We grow more confident in ourselves.
And we become more internally peaceful, present, and patient.
In this way, patience is not synonymous with blind faith. Patience is instead upheld by structure, consistency, and personal commitment to a path towards a meaningful vision. Then, as we continue walking this intentional path, each step deepens our trust, until patience finally comes into full bloom.
May we keep shaping lives of intention and care, where patience is free to flourish~
Max Kristopher Komes
www.MaxKomes.com
Max Komes is a master’s-level mental health professional and author in Pensacola, Florida. His philosophy is that each and every individual holds wellsprings of wisdom within them, and with the right tools, can access this wisdom to live purposeful, healthy, and resilient lives.
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This writing is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. If you have imminent health concerns, please call 1-800-NAMI.
