Still Waters Run Deep
They say that still waters run deep…
That wisdom is awarded to those who courageously rove the inner landscapes of the psyche and set up camp within;
to those who explore and map the rich terrains of these inner worlds, making discoveries never before known and bringing back treasures never before seen;
to those who contribute something wholeheartedly unique to the world.
These individuals, as a result of their inner explorations, are then rewarded with the gift of heightened awareness…
Sensitive.
Perceptive.
Contemplative.
They are the ones who grow unafraid to dive headfirst into the dark abyss of psychic solitude that most people find unbearable. They, instead, cultivate a Home within the silence, and carry it with them wherever they go…
"Solitude is the place of purification. Solitude is the place where I can become myself."
—Henri J.M. Nouwen
Imagine that you stumble upon a small pool of water:
You kneel down beside it, poke your hand in, and stir it. Mud rises from the bottom, and it becomes cloudier.
You then observe as you leave the water undisturbed. The mud soon settles back down to the bottom, and the water again becomes clear.
This same phenomenon happens with our mind:
If we impulsively play into the content of our mind, we stir up thoughts, and the mind becomes cloudier.
However, if we leave our minds undisturbed in solitude and silence, our thoughts gradually settle, and our mind again becomes clear.
This particular practice is called meditation, and it is one of many forms of contemplative practice. Contrary to common belief, meditation isn’t about lazily sitting around or numbing ourselves—it’s about intentionally setting aside a time for solitude while while cultivating a heightened awareness of our mind, body, and surroundings. When our body stops, our mind has the chance to stop as well.
As we develop presence, focus, and concentration through meditation, we can then progress to more complex contemplative practices, intentionally directing our thoughts rather than allowing them to spiral uncontrollably…
We can reflect, examining past experiences and identifying mindsets that may have hindered our growth and connection, as well as those that have supported and nurtured them.
We can contemplate, delving deeply into existential, philosophical, or moral questions, exploring new perspectives and uncovering fresh insights.
We can pray, communing with the transcendent aspect of life through gratitude, seeking guidance, or opening ourselves to a greater sense of purpose.
Psychotherapy could also be considered an assisted introduction to contemplative practice, with a trained therapist gently guiding individuals into their inner world (Click here to schedule an individual session with Max).
Overall, contemplative practices have been revered in the wisdom traditions for millennia, offering us the opportunity to embrace solitude and silence while simultaneously learning to tame our own minds. Through these practices, we can intentionally shape our thoughts and behaviors, cultivating inner peace, self-awareness, and clarity, while steering our lives toward a destiny of our choosing.
And yet, if these contemplative practices are so profoundly healing, then why does the very thought of solitude and silence so often send a shiver down our spines?
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
—Blaise Pascal
Why is it that we tend to be so dreadfully afraid of excessive solitude?
An evolutionary trait, perhaps? In tribal societies, being left alone would have meant certain death by predator or rival tribe.
On top of this, our brains have changed very little since the days our tribal ancestors. We’re still wired to seek security, as if we’re surviving on the savanna. Most of us have spent our entire lives running—caught in cycles passed down from our parents, who learned it from theirs. Conditioned to rush, we fearfully strive to produce and provide, always bracing for danger.
What about the cultural aspect?
This deeply ingrained conditioning has brought us to become addicted to constant stimulation, ceaselessly engaging with the outside world. Looking inward through contemplative practices isn’t culturally encouraged—in fact, we often avoid it by seeking even more stimulation. This is further exacerbated by media and advertisements that prey on our insecurities, constantly pushing us toward distraction rather than introspection. All in all, we have come to celebrate youth and vigor while devaluing regeneration and rest.
Solitude and silence, then, can be considered metaphors for decay and death.
Embracing solitude means coming face to face with the fact of mortality. It means surrendering to the fact that everything is fleeting—that at the end of our lives, nothing will last…
Not our Porsche.
Not our career titles.
Not even our own existence.
In other words, being alone with ourselves means confronting the realities and experiences that we tucked away in the crevices of our skulls, hoping they would disappear if we ignored them there. In solitude, however, there’s no running from ourselves. This is truly where we face the turmoil of our own souls—where illusions fall away, old identities dissolve, and we are left to confront the raw truth of our existence.
So, the terrain can clearly be tumultuous when we begin to engage in contemplative practices. However, if we’re brave enough to to face the temporary discomfort and dedicate ourselves to the inner journey, we will be greatly rewarded…
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
—C.G. Jung
As we traverse the landscape of the inner world, navigating the dense foliage of past experiences, we begin to map the inner terrain through reflection and contemplation. In this process, something profound begins to unfold…
We come to find ourselves in a place within that is exceedingly spacious and open. The brush begins to thin, and we find ourselves on higher ground…
From this ground of openness and spaciousness, we become able to look back on the winding road of the past and recognize the events that have shaped us along the way. As we reflect on these experiences, we begin to see the choices we've made, the struggles we've faced, and the lessons we've learned, which reveal what has truly mattered to us all along. In this process, we grow more familiar with our core values and gain clarity through compassionate understanding.With this clarity comes the gradual ability to forgive both ourselves and others. In making peace with our past, we also make friends with ourselves, rediscovering an inner sense of joy that is no longer dependent on external circumstances.
The path forward also becomes clear: by understanding our unique life experiences, qualities, and values, we see how they can support and serve others, giving us a deeper sense of purpose…
“In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone.”
—Rollo May
Having embraced silence and navigating the depths of the psyche, the once-turbid waters of the mind settle. We are rewarded with the great gift of wisdom, growing content within ourselves, and at ease in our own uniqueness…
Calm.
Curious.
Compassionate.
The silence we once feared comes to permeate every cell of our being. In fact, we find ourselves longing to return regularly to contemplative practices and naturally slip into meditative states.
An enduring sense of inner peace moves with us wherever we go.
We truly create a Home within ourselves.
May we embrace solitude and silence, cultivate a Home within ourselves, and carry it with us wherever we go.
Max Kristopher Komes
www.MaxKomes.com
Max Komes is a master’s-level mental health professional and author in Pensacola, Florida. His philosophy is that each and every individual holds wellsprings of wisdom within them, and with the right tools, can access this wisdom to live purposeful, peaceful, and resilient lives.
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This writing is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. If you have imminent health concerns, please call 1-800-NAMI.
