Rewriting the Stories That We Tell Ourselves
Each of us carries a story—made from memories, experiences, and the beliefs we've gathered throughout our lifetime...
Where we’re from.
How we were raised.
How we became who we are today.
But what if the very stories we tell ourselves aren’t just shaping our identity, but limiting it? What if the narratives we cling to are the unseen barriers keeping us from a life of authentic expression and growth?
What if rewriting our story were the key to truly flourishing?
“People think that stories are shaped by people.
In fact, it’s the other way around.”—Terry Pratchett
200,000 years ago, before written language systems, knowledge would have been passed down by word of mouth. Our ancestors would have likely been standing around campfires telling one another stories of their adventures, discoveries, and how life itself came to be.
In other words, as humans, we are natural-born meaning-makers and storytellers, and these stories are how we begin to make sense of the confusing and chaotic world we’re brought into.
With this, narratives are also the foundation of our sense of identity as individuals.
Just like our early ancestors, we inherit our narratives from the world around us—unquestioningly absorbing the stories told by family, culture, and society. Over time, these external voices become internalized, shaping how we see ourselves and the world.
Like a fish unaware of the water in which it swims, we become submerged in the stories of our societies, which take the form of subconscious beliefs, such as…
“Happiness comes from success and achievement.”
“Suffering is just a part of life—there’s no point in trying to change things.”
“If I show my true self, I’ll be rejected.”
We carry these narratives as unquestioned truths, unknowingly limiting our own potential. Rarely do we pause to examine them, let alone challenge them. For many, true change begins only when tragedy shakes us awake or when life becomes so unbearably painful that we can no longer ignore the need for a new narrative…
Fortunately, growth doesn’t have to come through trial by fire…
To prevent potential tragedy or pain, we can intentionally take stock of the stories we carry and begin to change our relationship with them through a process called reframing…
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
—Dr. Wayne Dyer
Cognitive reframing is a powerful therapeutic technique used in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Narrative Therapy that helps us identify and challenge negative thoughts, replacing them with more balanced, constructive perspectives.
To give an example of reframing, I often think of the 2004 film The Butterfly Effectwith Ashton Kutcher. In the movie, his character discovers that he has the ability to revisit moments from his past and alter them, causing ripple effects that reshape his present and future…
We can do something very similar within our own minds…
While we may not have the power to physically go back in time to rewrite our past, we do have the ability to reinterpret it, and in doing so, reshape its impact on us. By approaching painful memories with self-compassion, empowerment, or a new perspective, we influence how they shape our emotions, identity, and future choices.
In other words, cognitive reframing allows us to transform ourselves from the inside out, actively rewriting our personal narratives and turning hardship into sources of strength, wisdom, and growth.
Let’s look at how cognitive reframing might play out…
Identify the Thought or Memory:
Notice a negative or distressing thought you often revisit.
Example: “I opened up to someone I trusted, and they rejected me. I must not be worth loving.”Recognize the Impact:
Ask yourself: How does this thought make me feel? and How does it shape my self-perception and decisions?“Does this thought make me hesitant to connect with others?”
“Does it reinforce feelings of unworthiness?”
Challenge the Thought:
Consider alternative explanations or perspectives.
Example: “That one experience doesn’t define my worth. That person may not have had the capacity to meet me where I was. Maybe their rejection wasn’t about me at all.”Reframe the Narrative:
Replace the original thought with a more balanced and constructive one.
Example: “Opening up took courage. Not everyone will understand me, but that doesn’t mean I’m unworthy of love. I can learn from this and find people who truly value me.”Reinforce the New Perspective: Practice this new way of thinking consistently. Journaling, therapy, and mindful reflection can help reinforce reframing over time.
By reframing challenging situations, we gradually expand our perspectives, shifting from a lens of threat and limitation to one of opportunity, growth, and self-expression…
"The illusion of separateness is the root cause of all suffering. When we awaken to the truth that we are all part of the same whole, we transcend the illusion of māyā."
— Swami Sivananda
Through cognitive reframing, the fear-based barriers from past programming begin to dissolve. We gradually gain confidence in our personal narratives, feeling safer within ourselves and our environments, allowing us to navigate the world with greater authenticity and connection.
As this confidence grows, we come to see that we were never as separate as we once believed. We experience life as intricately interwoven, realizing that we are part of something far greater than ourselves.
From this experience, our narratives expand outwardly beyond the individual self, rooted in interconnection and authentic creation.
These newfound narratives soon begin to sound like…
“I am a part of something much bigger than me.”
"I am deeply connected to all of life, and my actions ripple through the world."
"In my interconnectedness with the world, I find endless opportunities to serve and contribute."
May we rewrite the stories that constrict us, embracing the truth of our interconnectedness, and step into a life of authenticity, growth, and collective wisdom.
Max Kristopher Komes
www.MaxKomes.com
Max Komes is a master’s-level mental health professional and author in Pensacola, Florida. His philosophy is that each and every individual holds wellsprings of wisdom within them, and with the right tools, can access this wisdom to live purposeful, peaceful, and resilient lives.
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This writing is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. If you have imminent health concerns, please call 1-800-NAMI.
